Bea’s a little hellraiser
Hope she takes to Texas fine
‘Cause everything is bigger there
But she’ll still be a small fry
UConn left you with a degree and No Man’s Sky
Your research paper earned you a wife

Christ, I know it’s hard
Mar-a-Lago’s got divots
The way things are going
Head for Austin city limits

I don’t know semantics
But for you two, it’s crystal clear
There’s no devil in your details
Just a Chinese character resembling a deer
I think that means be good, think it brings you luck
Benediction as a ten-point buck

Christ, I know it’s hard
They’re locking kids in cages
The way things are going
Escape to Austin for better wages

Registry’s full of cookware
Speaking of, for Pete’s space trucking sake
Don’t make her ill like I from your curry
In future dishes you set out to make
Takeout’s always cool, tacos are sublime
Barbecue pairs well with wine

Christ, I know it’s hard
They’re passing heartbeat laws
The way things are going
Let’s hope Austin is less flawed

Didn’t cry at the wedding
Not until much later to Naked Eyes
But you don’t need my sad ass to tell you
What you got is real, you guys
It’s safe to say I’m envious, making a sap of me
With your smiles and shared philosophy

Christ, I know it’s hard
Ice caps are exhausting
The way things are going
Hey, sea level elevation ain’t bad in Austin

Now they say that Mengyu wears the pants
As long as Jared stays dreamy
For those present, we worry not ‘cause
Boy, that kiss was steamy
You taught me to hate plans, she does too I’m sure
But with long distance you’ll find you love them more

Christ, I know it’s hard
Decency’s long dead
The way things are going
Try for Austin instead